Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A new moon eclipses breaking dawn

Fans of the Series Twilight keep off this post and no offense is intended. Most of this post is just meant as a way to kill boredom.

What you can infer from reading Twilight series.

1. Vampires are described in a complete way by various combinations of "beauty", "perfect", "graceful", "dazzling" etc. In fact if we were to cut out these adjectives, the vampires in Twilight series wouldn't exist.

2. Contrary to what SM mentioned in the first book or so, talented vampires are very very common as is proved in Breaking Dawn. In fact you could be the most powerful vampire if your most powerful skill is being depressed.

!!! Spoiler Alert !!!

3. If you're entangled in a love triangle of some sort and you don't get the girl; don't worry, just hang around till your (ex)lover has a kid, there is a very real possibility that you might fall into love with the baby. Ms. Meyer found a once and for all solution for ending a love triangle that spanned over two entire fully blown Twilight novels with this idea.

4. 700 pages of Breaking Dawn goes in the buildup of a Vampire War that never takes place. 

Things that you get to read in Breaking Dawn

5. SM does put a lot of research in to her works. Biologists might feel offended by the fact that Werewolves have 24 chromosomes (while Google search reveals otherwise; apes might as well be their distant cousins for all we know) and the fact that an average of chromosome pairs are produced in the progeny (Seriously isn't gene theory that simple?).

6. Contrary to popular claims; Twi-light does NOT mean light in Twitter, in fact if anything it refers to the darkness plaguing the Internet forums of late.

7.Bella is an ordinary girl, your average girl next door, and she does not deserve some perfect vampire, over 1000 pages or three and a half novels of the Twilight series revolve around this one core idea.

[In the Near Future]

Comments on the Twilight Series

Movie Spin-offs based on the Twilight

P.S Sincerely hope Buffy saves us from this menace

P.P.S No offense is intended to anyone by means of this post.It is just meant as a fun way of looking at things


  1. ROFL @ your cooked up comments.

    BTW my daughter is a huge fan of Stephenie Meyer. If she reads this she might just have to kill you :))

  2. this was hilarious! seriously i have to completly agree! however i am still going to watch this with some of my girlfriends, can't miss the fun in that! and hey! popcorn :P

  3. @Purba Getting killed by Twilight fans was a definitive possibility on writing this post

    @Tiffany I loved the Twilight movie's location and cinematography, maybe it even appeals better than the book..

  4. Oh my gosh. I love this. It's especially nice to see someone else who recognizes Bella for the angsty mary-sue she is.

    Whatever happened to the days when real vampire movies were considered awesome? You know... when they were all dark, and dangerous and non-glittery.

  5. "Vampires on the Twilight Series" is my most favorite. :)

    I tried to read them... couldn't do it. Not my thing. This entry shows me that was probably the right decision. ;)

  6. @likeagiraffe not meant for me either, having nothing much better to do somehow read through them, which explains the nature of this post

    @A geek: Vampire movies from the days of the yore are long gone now thanks to shiny vampires from the Twilight.

  7. I must make a confession - I read the Twilight series. As soon as I finished I felt like I'd dirtied myself.

    The twi-tweets were excellent.

  8. @ TbR I felt the same way about Twilight.

    And the Twi-Tweets are a new feature just made them today (2 days after the post was made), didn't plan on it, glad that you like it

  9. I was into the Twilight series so bad and when I emerged-it was like a journey through the sewer.And un-effin'-real.How come none of my friend's dads look like Carlisle the undead hunk,huh? HUH??? True BLood the T.v Series by far waaaaaaaaaay better.the books suck,take it from me ;)

    Btw,thanks for the follow! :)

  10. This entire post just gave me life. Hilarious.

  11. I don't know much about the twilight series except that they are really girly... the twilight twitter series is funny though ;)

  12. I loved the graph, well said!

    Don't apologize for making fun of Twilight/Twilight fans. They are both the scum of this Earth and deserved to be treated as such.

  13. You know what. I am just going to throw caution to the winds here and start reading this great contemporary work of fantasy literature. Love though I do the incessant Bella and vampire bashing, isn't it best if I give myself a chance to actually make sense of everything? And better do with the book than the movie.

  14. @Arun Yeah this post wouldn't make sense if you haven't read this fantasy piece of literature, sorry for the spoilers though, I had taken the liberty to assume that most of the Internet read Twilight.

    @Andrew Apology to the Twilight fans was just a figure of speech

    @g2 Too girly, it is hard for any audience other than teenage girls to comprehend this series, now they may be expecting shiny vampires for boyfriends

    @Sweta Haven't watched True Blood. Now that Twilight has come about vampires cannot be villains without hurting sentiments can they?

  15. Back with a bang mannn...tht way to end the the love triangle was a genius mind at work and it took a genius to spot it:) njoid

  16. Theres a little something waiting for you over at my blog!

  17. LOL, I have laughed my head off at this post here.
    I am fresh from finally bringing myself to watch the Twilight Eclipse movie and here you are shredding the series to bits. AndI couldn't agree with you more.
    The movies are even worse. Bella is morose through all 3 like shes perpetually mourning. The movies end up somewhere else, other then I imagined.

    And how you comclude!!! LOL